


Cassette Side B

by inkstrain (orphan_account)



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 02:39:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3961315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/inkstrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your arms were like twigs. And nests are made of twigs right? And nests are safe places right? So I was safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cassette Side B

"Hey. I wanted to write a letter but my hand was shaking so bad that even I had a hard time understanding what the hell I was writing. So this should do. You're probably going to find this later on today, but I'd be far away by then. Not that it's something new, this distance. The longer the years we spent together, the further we were pushed apart - and no," 

_A bark of laughter, a loud gulp, the clink of glass on wood._

"I'm not talking about our places in photo shoots. You're just so far now; out of reach. Like you're that _one_ pinprick in the Milky Way I've been trying to reach but can't seem to, because as soon as I think I'm close enough, I never am." 

_A pause, the empty, nonsensical sounds of TV in the background. Another laugh._

"Fuck, that's kinda poetic isn't it, what I just said? Maybe I should give writing lyrics a shot. What do you think? We can ask Ruki to do the guitar, and not just during _Cassis._ That red baby of his hasn't been used in a while and even guitars get lonely." 

_Another pause, longer. A tired voice, sort of sad and sort of amused._

"Aren't you? Because I am." 

_A lid being unscrewed. The sound of a pouring drink. An audible gulp._

"But I'm not when we're onstage and you're looking my way and smiling that smile of yours. It's gotten rarer over the years and I wonder, have you finally gotten tired of this endless repeat? The same songs. The same antics. The same venues." 

_A broken chuckle, the sound of swallowing._

"Maybe you are. It does get old, right? We love what we do and we love all the fans, but we can't keep doing this forever especially with management gripping our throats, telling us what to and what not to do."

_A sigh. Fumbling and the crinkling of foil and plastic. The flick of a lighter, the sharp inhale of a breath and then an exhale._

"Sometimes I wonder, is it my fault? Should we have put ourselves first like you wanted and our careers second instead of the other way around?" 

_Another inhale-exhale and fingers drumming on wood._

"I'm sorry if I was so blind. I'm sorry if I didn't realize it sooner. But you can get your fresh start now right? It won't be the same. It's going to be exciting and different and not the humdrum we've had to endure the last thirteen years."

_The dying sound of embers being crushed. Another round of liquor being poured. A thoughtful humming sound._

"Is it too late? I feel like it is. We're so old and sometimes when I look at the mirror and think of wearing my lip ring, I laugh at myself because it would look so ridiculous for my age, mid-thirties and acting like a teenager." 

_A sharp breath. A quivering tone and the sound of fingers running through tresses._

"What I would give to be a teenager again. When we were only starting and Budokan was an unfolding dream and you-"

_A choking sound, muffled by flesh. Heavy breathing. A sniff._

"I want it back. All those years when we were young and we could be stupid and we'd be forgiven because we were so fucking invincible and we had time. I remember comparing our limbs to twigs, and looking back I was right. Because nests are made of twigs and it's safe there and I was safest between your arms, cushioned by hotel room blankets with your honey-blonde hair making my nose itch."

_A humming sound, some singsong commercial on the background. The thud of a limb on wood. A muffled voice._

"Shit. Fuck all of this. Actually, _fuck you._ I'm not supposed to be gay or anything!"

_A loud thudding sound and glass shattering. Utter silence and panting breaths._

  


"Bye Kouyou. I'm sorry."

  


**With shaking hands, Kouyou dials Aoi's number, staring at the ancient tape that has stopped playing in an equally ancient player. He can't get through and doesn't even get a ring or a busy tone, so he tries again.**

**And again.**

**But the message remains the same.**

  


_The number you dialled has either been disconnected or is incorrect. Please check the number and try again._


End file.
